(from the book Having it Y'all by Ann Barrett Batson, and comments by me in stars)

1. Friendliness.
   Southerners just can't imagine going through life aloof and poker-faced. We were raised to behave in a sociable, neighborly fashion to our fellow man, even if we don't particularly like them or know them from a hole in the ground. First-time visitors to the South invariably receive our wholesale friendliness with astonishment, if not with gaurded suspicion, but soon are eager to adopt our amicable ways for themselves.
   If you've a hankering to, you can learn some southern-style friendliness for yourself with the following guidelines. But remember our fair warning: Use your newly found skills with discretion when you venture outside the South-land. Since your contemporaries may be unused to such kindliness, they probably will wonder just what in the Sam Hill has got into you.
   Being friendly to unknowns:Unless the strangers you encounter are most unsavory characters, behave as if you've known them since you were born. This means waving or smiling when passing (depending on distance) and always greeting ("How ya doing?") if within earshot. *this is the honest- to-God truth in Aiken. you always at least make eye contact and nod. this is what got me a bunch of stares in NYC*
   Being friendly to knowns: If the passerby is friend, family, or even mere acquaintance, the encounter should become a reunion of sorts. All participants should avidly discuss the weather, their health, and (always) any newly-discovered bits of gossip or scandal. Always conclude the get-to-gether with a fond farewell, such as "Take care now, hear?" *i dunno about that weather and health, but for teenagers, definitely all the latest gossip, cause you know most everybody*
2. Relaxed Lifestyle.
   We Southerners are content to proceed more slowly. We talk slow, walk slow and always seem so calm, but after all, isn't life a journey, what's the use of not enjoying the ride?
3. Languid Locution.
   Just why do we Southerners loll our words around so? Not because we are lazy. Shucks, no. Its because they taste good. Being communicative sorts, we take our time when we talk so we can prolong the pleasure of the moment.*that's what the book says* While one has to be raised down South to "speak southern" authentically, it is possible for others to do a commendable job by keeping the fundamentals of southern speech in mind:
   • Speak slowly. Savor the flavor of you words.
   • Adopt a nasal twang and add a lilt to your tempo.
   • Resist any inclination to enunciate precisely.
   • End your sentences with a lift to your voice, as if you're asking a question.
   • Incoporate the southern vernacular (vocab) into everyday speech.

4. Brothers and sisters all.
   We Southerners not only belong to our homeland, we belong to one another. This is because the Southland is actually one massive extended family of relations and associations. *some of those small towns are ALL part of the same famlily, believe me* But the benefits of it are that no matter where you go, you'll most likely know somebody there. *you see absolutely EVERYONE at Wal-Mart* And everybody is willing to help someone in need because they figure that one day they might be in the same fix. *this is true and I've experienced it first-hand. i was driving home from lifegaurding at a party at a campground, and i ran clean out of gas near another camp way out there in the woods. the camp director gave me enough gas to get home (which was quite a fair piece) and told me not to worry about paying. then, i couldn't get it started. he looked under the hood and fiddled with it for a while and got it started and made sure i got on my way*
5. Good manners.
   Down South, we're justifiably famous for out gracious manners. Having good manners means being unfailingly polite, courteous, respectful, and helpful to relations, friends and strangers. If you were brought up by real Southerners you always says, "yes, ma'am" and "no, sir" to everybody older than yourself. But, if you're at work, and you address a customer or your boss, its a given. *yup, yup, yup* Also, if you happened to miss what someone just said, you say, "sir"? or "ma'am?" or "pardon?"
6. Jesus loves us.
   We're called the Bible Belt, and for good reason. EVERYBODY goes to church; that's one of THE social activites. They meet on Sunday mornings, and nights; Wednesday is Youth Group; Thursday is Bible Study; and they're always planning trips and activites for the weekend. During the summer, every church has Vacation Bible School, and most people go to more than one, usually theirs and their friends. *Aiken is a famous retirement town, no joke, so, of course all the old people got plenty of time on their hands and are so close to moving on, that they ALL go to church. they comprise 99% of the congregation.*




Country songs

These songs are here for those of you that like country music, and get this--those that don't. Now, for you people that don't like that twangy, whiney, same-old-story-over-and-over, same-tune-type-beat, that's fine. Whatever floats your boat. (I personally don't like most of those slow, sad songs either) But anyways, by giving y'all a list of good upbeat songs, this way when the topic of country music comes up (as it so often will...not) you can politely say that you're not really into country, but you did like such-n-such. That way you don't offend anyone and come off as a well-rounded "man of the music-world". *hee, hee* Anyways, most of these songs are principle-based and there's a little commentary after each one, so knock yourself out!

Shania Twain:
If you're not in it for Love --the chorus goes:if you're not in it for love, if you're not in it for life, (marriage) I'm outta here...its got a really fast beat...Shania is half Cherokee and GORGEOUS, she raised her siblings on her own.

George Strait:
I'm carrying your love with me

Allison Krauss:
When you say nothing at all--its a beautiful song about how she and her husband show their love for one another...the chorus goes: the smile on your face lets me know that you need me, there's a truth in your eyes sayin' you'll never leave me, the touch of your hand says you'll catch me if ever i fall, you say it best...when you say nothin' at all.

Randy Travis:
Forever and Ever, Amen--basically just like the title says...he's tellin his girl how he's gonna love her forever and ever...amen!

Tim McGraw:
Just to See You Smile--this is a song about how he loved this one girl so much that all he cared about was her happiness...as in 'just to see her smile'...so he even gives her up to someone else because of his unselfish love for her.



Southern Foods

GRITS:eaten every morning with butter, salt and pepper
VIDALIA ONIONS:onions so sweet that people eat 'em like apples
PECANS:the trees throw them up around here, used to make pecan pies
PEANUTS:usually eaten boiled, which is pronounced "bowled" as in you just went bowling
CHITLINS:pig intestines that are turned inside out, braided, boiled and them fried--yummy!
FRIED CHICKEN:but of course>




Southern Lingo

ABIDE:tolerate, as in "I can't abide by the rules.
ACT UP: misbehave, as in "You boys sure act up."
CONNIPTION:fit of anger
FIRED UP:excited, motivated, as in "UC is all fired up to win."
GUMPTION:guts, as in "Only the PLA has the gumption to change the world." (has nothing to do with Forest)
MOSEY:amble about in no particular hurry
OWN UP:confess
RILED UP:angry or upset
SCROUNGE:to make something from nothing, as in "I'll see if I can scrounge up some donations for Dollar for Decency."
SHUCKS:exclamatory term of regret, as in "Aw, shucks! Kim Chee again?



These rules were forwarded to me from an obvious yankee, not naming any names.

RULES IN THE SOUTH

1. Save all manner of bacon grease. You will be instructed later how to use it.
2. If you forget a Southerner's name, refer to him (or her) as "Bubba". You have a 75% chance of being right.
3. Just because you can't drive on snow and ice does not mean we can stay home the two days of the year it snows.
4. If you do run your car into a ditch, don't panic. Four men in the cab of a four wheel drive with a 12-pack of beer and a tow chain will be along shortly. Don't try to help them. Just stay out of their way. This is what they live for.
5. Don't be surprised to find movie rentals and bait in the same store.
6. Do not buy food at the movie store.
7. If it can't be fried in bacon grease, it ain't worth cooking, let alone eating.
8. Remember: "Y'all" is singular. "All y'all" is plural. "All y'all's" is plural possessive.
9. There is nothing sillier than a Northerner imitating a southern accent, unless it is a southerner imitating a Boston accent.
10. Get used to hearing, "You ain't from around here, are you?"
11. People walk slower here.
12. Don't be worried that you don't understand anyone. They don't understand you either.
13. The first Southern expression to creep into a transplanted Northerner's vocabulary is the adjective "Big ol'", as in "big ol' truck" or "big ol' boy". Eighty-five percent begin their new Southern influenced dialect with this expression.
14. The proper pronunciation you learned in school is no longer proper.
15. Be advised: The "He needed killin'" defense is valid here.
16. If attending a funeral in the South, remember, we stay until the last shovel of dirt is thrown on and the tent is torn down.
17. If you hear a Southerner exclaim, "Hey, y'all, watch this!" stay out of his way. These are likely the last words he will ever say.
18. Most Southerners do not use turn signals, and they ignore those who do. In fact, if you see a signal blinking on a car with a southern license plate, you may rest assured that it was on when the car was purchased.
19. Northerners can be identified by the spit on the inside of their car's windshield that comes from yelling at other drivers.
20. The winter wardrobe you always brought out in September can wait until November.
21. If there is the prediction of the slightest chance of even the most minuscule accumulation of snow, your presence is required at the local grocery store. It does not matter if you need anything from the store, it is just something you're supposed to do.
22. Satellite dishes are very popular in the South. When you purchase one it is to be positioned directly in front of your trailer. This is logical bearing in mind that the dish cost considerably more than the trailer and should, therefore, be displayed.

    
    

    

    
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